Badger's Claim (Devils Riot MC Book 7) Page 6

  I have to say though, we’re two peas in pod, that’s for sure. Our pasts might be down two different forms of abuse, but they’re all the same in the long run. They leave their marks no matter what.

  People have told me not to let her win. Not to let what she did consume me, to linger over me. I never quite understood what they meant. Until now.

  I see what Jordan has gone through, how the shadow of her dad lingers and the way she flinches at any movement around her. She’s constantly on eggshells around anyone who comes near her. Except for me. I’m the only one who can get close enough to her without so much as a flinch and I don’t even think she realizes it.

  “Badger, are you ignoring me?” she asks softly and I can hear the hint of hurt in her voice.

  “Naw, sorry, I just have shit on my mind right now,” I tell her, lifting my coffee cup to down the rest. I need to get out of here before I do or say something stupid. She doesn’t need to be around the darkness swirling within me.

  Acting like I’m checking the time, I pull my phone out of my pocket to look at it. “I gotta get going. I’ll probably be late, so don’t wait up. If you need anything, just shoot a text,” I say, moving toward the sink.

  “Oh okay, well, I guess I’ll see you later,” Jordan murmurs.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see the sadness in her expression as she casts her gaze to the floor.

  “Yeah, I’ll see ya later,” I mutter as I walk out of the kitchen. I gotta get out of here now.

  My heart tells me to go back to her and take her in my arms, but the rest of me is saying fuck everything. I know she’s not anything like my mom, but I can’t take the emotional shit today. I know I’m an asshole.

  Slamming the door behind me without meaning to, I stride toward my bike. This is what I need. Just me and my bike. The freedom from touch and the nightmares that haunt my dreams. From the memories of the past clashing with the life I’m trying to have now.

  I want nothing more than to give Jordan the life she deserves, however, part of me doesn’t think she’ll be able to handle the darkness that is my life.

  Straddling my bike, I turn the key, letting the roar of the engine run through me. Before taking off, I turn back toward the house once more and my chest tightens. Jordan’s standing there at the door, a frown on her face instead of a smile.

  I’ll make it up to her later. Maybe tomorrow or the next, I don’t know. Just depends how long the darkness takes hold of me this time. Every time is different. Up until recently, it had gotten somewhat easier. But today it all feels way too damn raw inside. I need away from it all.

  Away from all the pain this world causes.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jordan

  What the hell? Why did Badger just storm off the way he did? Did I do something wrong? I get that I’ve invaded his space, but I’ve tried to stay out of his way and help do things around here as much as I could.

  When I walked into the kitchen after taking a shower, Badger looked as if he’d been staring into space. Not wanting to spook him, I called out his name from the entrance to the kitchen. It took a good five times before he finally realized I’d been standing there.

  I’m sure whatever he was thinking about has to do with his mood. Maybe I should talk to my brothers about looking at places to rent. I need to give Badger his space back. It’s not fair to him that I’m here.

  I get that he said I was his, but I knew he didn’t mean any of that. If he did, wouldn't he treat me the way he did in the hospital?

  I’m so confused over the way he switched from sweet and caring to distant and cold.

  The more I think about it, the more it becomes frustrating. With the way Badger couldn’t get away from me fast enough, I know I’m not wanted here. That I know for sure.

  Putting my elbows on the table, I cup the mug in between my hands, contemplating all my options.

  I haven’t been back to work since getting out of the hospital three weeks ago. With not being able to dance at the club anymore, I need to figure something out for a second job. Or maybe I should just look into moving somewhere completely different and starting over. Be a completely different person.

  But what would I do? I know I could always get a job at another hospital, but I must admit, I like my job at the clinic working with Connors. Not only does she respect those who work around her, she cares about her patients.

  Shaking my head, I move from the table. I’m not going to be able to figure it all out right now. My head is all over the place. I need to just get out of here and get some fresh air. Yeah, air would be good right now.

  Running upstairs, I change into a pair of jeans Connors brought over the first day I was here. It feels funny putting them on after wearing nothing but sweatpants and tank tops the last few weeks.

  Pulling on a hoodie next, I move toward the bathroom to grab a hair tie. I’ve never worried about my appearance before and I’m not about to start now. Throwing my hair up in a messy bun I go to put my shoes on.

  Even though I can’t drive anywhere yet, I can at least explore my surroundings. Badger’s house is pretty far off the beaten path with no neighbors in sight. Looking at the exterior, it’s the image of an oasis, with the trees wrapped around on all sides leaving a large yard open in the center. It’s amazing to think this place even exists.

  Stepping outside, I begin to trek down the lane that goes toward the road. That’s another thing about his house— you have to turn off on a barely seen dirt road which is hardly enough room for a car to get down. If you’re not paying attention, I bet you’d end up hitting a tree, that’s how narrow the damn thing is.

  Enjoying the serenity of it all, I don’t realize how far I’ve gone until I reach the road. Do I wanna keep going? Maybe walk to town? Or should I go back to the house? If I keep going, I might not remember exactly how to get back to the house.

  You know what? Screw it. If I get lost, so be it. It’s not like I really have a place at his house anyway. He made that clear earlier when he all but ran out of there.

  Maybe there’s something wrong with me. It’s as if I have a curse on me. Those who come near me either end up not wanting me or turn out like my father.

  That’s got to be it, I’m cursed. For whatever reason, the gods decided I’d be a punching bag in this life.

  Walking along the side of the road, I hope I’m heading in the direction of town. If not, I’ll find myself somewhere.

  I’m not sure how long I’ve been walking. I started to think I’d gone the opposite way of town when I finally spot Outlaw Racks. I’ve heard a lot about the place and found the stories quite interesting. Does the owner really have the waitresses dance on tables like in that movie Coyote Ugly?

  Granted, I know Franklin isn’t a big city or even a large town. It’s more of a community with one grocery store and a few places to eat, so this place is one of the hottest tickets around. Shoot, they’re probably lucky to even have the hospital. Though it’s one of the closest for three other counties in the area. Otherwise, people would have to drive almost two hours to the nearest one.

  As I get closer to the bar, a thought hits me. I’ll go in and speak with the owner, maybe they’ll give me a job and I can work here when I’m not at the clinic with Connors.

  Smiling, I move toward the door, ready to go in and speak to whoever, when I spot all the motorcycles.

  Holy shit. This must be a biker bar. I should have figured by the name. But the logo on the front of the building seems more redneck hunter to me with the antlers surrounding the name of the bar.

  You know what? It doesn’t matter what kind of bar it is. I’m used to being around bikers. I’ve grown up around them for most of my life, well, I should say when I was allowed to be.

  Taking a breath, I open the door and step inside what I have to say is the coolest bar I’ve ever seen. I mean, seriously, whoever the owner is really outdid themselves. Tables are scattered throughout the place with a stage set up against the back wall
with a dance floor in front of it. There’s a jukebox on another wall with dartboards on either side and then there’s the pool tables.

  Damn, I haven’t played pool in what feels like forever. When I used to go to the Emerald Isle MC clubhouse, one of Timber’s brothers would teach me different techniques to the game. I wouldn’t say I’m a pro, but by the time he finished teaching me the gist, I could hold my own.

  Moving toward the bar, I wait for the bartender to finish what she’s doing.

  “What can I get ya, doll?” the bartender asks, her voice soft yet the way she holds herself tells me she’s not one to play games.

  “Umm, I was wondering if I could speak to the owner about a job here,” I say.

  “Well, you’re in luck,” she says, smiling and reaching out her hand. “I’m Kenny. I own this place.”

  “Oh, wow. Hi, my name’s Jordan. Would you possibly be looking for a waitress or anything?” I ask. I want to smack myself for sounding so dumb.

  “Well, actually, I’m looking for a night manager. Do you have any experience?”

  “Umm, I’ve worked as a dancer at Sinners Cove since I was eighteen and I’d bartend whenever needed. I can make a mean Screaming Orgasm and I know the differences between imports and domestic beers. Oh, and if it’s a tap machine, I can pour a beer without hardly any foam. You know, the trick is to keep the glass slanted until you have it almost all the way full.” I stop when I realize I’m rambling.

  “Wait a minute, you said your name is Jordan? I knew you looked familiar. You’re Badger’s ol’ lady. Why are you wanting to work in a bar? I thought you worked with Connors,” she says, standing straight as she crosses her arms over her chest.

  “Umm, I don’t know about the Badger’s ol’ lady thing. Honestly, it’s not anyone’s business what I am to him or anyone else. As for working in a bar, I’m used to working a lot and I enjoy the environment. I do work with Connors at the clinic,” I say, refusing to let her think poorly of me.

  I’m beginning to think she’s gonna tell me to look elsewhere with the way she silently stares me down. Finally, she nods. “Alright, you’re hired as long as the club agrees to it. I don’t hire anyone unless Gadget does a background check on them. However, considering he and Dragon are your brothers, I don’t need that. Simply want to inform them of the fact. Let me know your schedule at the clinic and we’ll work around that.”

  “Thank you. I’ll have to talk to Connors about my schedule. I haven’t been to work for a while now, so I’ll have to see what she’s got for me. When would you like me to start?” I ask, excited at finding something for myself. I don’t even let the fact my brothers’ club has to be informed about me working here bother me. For that matter, I’m also ignoring the fact she said this would be interesting.

  I don’t know what she means by that.

  “You can start Thursday,” Kenny says, smiling.

  “Okay, awesome. I’ll be here,” I tell her, holding my hand out to shake hers.

  Kenny takes my hand, still smiling.

  Pulling my hand away, I ask, “Are the pool tables quarters or by the hour?”

  “They’re by the hour, but if you work here, you don’t pay,” she says.

  “Well if that’s the case, would it be possible to get a table?”

  “Yep, let me grab you a tray and you’re good to go. The sticks are hanging along that wall.” Turning my head, I glance in the direction she’s pointing.

  “Okay, thanks,” I say before taking the tray from her.

  “No problem, Jordan. We sisters take care of each other.” I’m not sure what she means by that, so I inwardly shrug it off. I’m not used to having friends let alone sisters.

  As I move toward the pool tables, I can’t help but wonder what did I just get myself into?

  Chapter Fourteen

  Badger

  No matter the memory, whether it’s good or bad, you can’t let it define who you are. Whoever said that shit can kiss my ass. The worst memory will always come before the best. A memory defines a person’s actions.

  For example, when my mother was on trial, she ended up getting no time in prison for what she did to me. Instead, she had to spend a year in the psych ward before being released out into the world to do it all again. Didn’t matter the evidence. It all came down to memories. Her lawyer used them as her defense, stating due to her having been abused herself, she thought it was okay.

  So, excuse me if I don’t believe memories don’t define you, because they do. It’s just a matter of which way you let them sway you. For me, I refuse to allow myself to do something like that to a child. Therefore, I refuse to allow the bad memories to control what I do physically. However, when it comes to mentally, the past is constantly fuckin’ with me.

  Maybe that’s why I rode for so long today and ended up parked outside my childhood home.

  As I sit here looking at the run-down house, I can’t stop the memories from playing on a revolving loop. Though the difference is instead of me lying on the floor, it’s Jordan.

  The thought of her taking the same abuse I did kills me. I still don’t know all she dealt with as she doesn’t know any of the shit I’ve been through.

  Granted, I didn’t expect her to want to talk about it right after getting out of the hospital. She needed time to heal. But with it being the day that it is, I couldn’t be around her. Not with my shit and then hers on top of that. It was too much.

  I’m sure I could probably open up to her. Explain. Though that’s the thing, how do you look the woman who you want to be with in the eye and say the words? Shit, to this day I can’t even say the words in my head. I can barely even say the word ‘abuse.’

  Running a hand over my face, I sigh. “What the hell am I doing?” I mutter to myself.

  “You know, I was wondering the same damn thing.” Turning my head at the voice, I should have known he and the man next to him would show up. He always does when I need him. Stoney and Bear.

  “What are you doing here, son?” Bear asks.

  “Same as every year,” I say, slanting my eyes in embarrassment.

  “You know, if I were to call your ol’ man, he would want to kick your ass for doing this to yourself every year,” Stoney states, his voice firm. I know he keeps this away from my dad. After all the shit with my mom, when he was released, Stoney got him a job in Colorado with the DRMC charter out there. He wanted me to move with him, have a fresh start, but that wasn’t for me.

  My dad understood, but I know he thinks he failed me. I don’t see it that way. If the signs aren’t directly visible, how can you see the difference between the angel and devil? It’s the same as trying to figure out if the person sitting next to you is a murderer or not. It’s not easy, and I’ll never hold it against the man for not seeing it. Shit, he went to jail for the woman and did so blindly until he was in there.

  “I know, but I also know you’re not gonna tell him,” I mutter.

  “No, I’m not. This shit has to stop, though. You can’t keep letting this shit control you. It’s keeping you from living. Fuck, son, it’s your birthday and instead of celebrating with your brothers, or better yet the woman you claimed as yours, you’re here staring at a house full of demons,” Stoney says.

  “What do you want me to say? Those memories are constantly haunting me. And you both know the extent of it all. I mean, you walked in on it.” The words leave my mouth harsher than should be allowed when talking to the President of the National charter.

  “Then you need to get rid of those that are haunting you. Wanna know how to do that?” Stoney asked the last part as if I should already know the answer. But instead of giving him one, I shake my head.

  “Bear, go grab the can,” Stoney orders.

  Bear nods his head and takes off toward the truck they’d come in only to return carrying a gas can.

  “Spread the fuel, let it wash away all the bad. It’s time this becomes what it’s supposed to be— the past. Nothing but a horrible memo
ry that you overcame. Which son, you don’t see it, but you have. You made something of yourself. Now start fucking living,” Bear says, handing me the can.

  Speechless, I take the red jug and turn toward the house again. Taking a deep breath, I step forward to the house they saved me from fourteen years ago. Tilting the lid, I begin to splash the gasoline along the edge of the house. With each step I take, the memories of this place blur together. The ones where I’m hiding under all my clothes and toys in the closet. The ones of my mother gripping my jaw to shove pills down my throat.

  As they blend together, I begin to jerk the can faster, anger filling me. I should have been safe within the walls of this house. Not scared to walk through those doors.

  When the can is empty, I throw it against the side of the house and scream out. Letting the anger, pain, and hurt finally loose. I didn’t even realize I’d been holding it all in as I have. By the time I finish screaming out I’m on my knees clenching my hair in my hands.

  I don’t glance up when a hand lands on my shoulder. “Let it out. It’s past time you did this,” Stoney says.

  “We’re here for you, Badger.” Standing up, I whip my head around, shocked at Twister’s voice. “You’re our brother and we don’t let each other down,” he says, moving toward me. Behind him, all my brothers step forward as well.

  “We ride through hell to get to the other side. And we do this shit together,” Stoney and Twister say together.

  “Let’s light this bitch up,” Burner says, holding a little white box with a bow my way.

  “You’re not proposing to me are ya?” I ask in an attempt at a joke, feeling slightly lighter.

  “Fuck you, just take your present,” he smirks at me as he shoves it into my chest.